Membership status: Member
Comet Chaser is my OC, black stallion, meteor for his cutie mark, his special talent is gathering rocks from space. He has two adventure fics, one in which hes an adult and the other is his foalhood days. Yes, hes the son of luna and for bucks sake get over it, hes not exactly spoiled rotton for it.
Date: 13 Sep 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Genre: Comedy, Slice-of-Life
• Everypony • • 6357 words
Pony parodies of various Monty Python Sketches. Trust me, it's better than it sounds.
Date: 13 Sep 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Rarity hates Spam
I absolutely loved it, you substituted all the right characters without losing any of the personalities, five stars
• Everypony • • 1462 words
Everypony knows Vinyl Scratch: Cocky, sure of herself, parties all night and likes her music loud and the beats louder.
And talking about herself in the third person.
What? It's fun.
Okayokayokay... so anyway, you're wondering how I first met my better half, right? (And don't tell her I called her that - she'll rib me about it me all day.)
Well, the whole thing kinda began somewhere you'd never expect to find me...
Date: 13 Sep 2012 Title: Chapter 1: Overture
Great story i felt for vinyl here, but i think her relationship with tavi wasnt very specific, four stars
Date: 16 Sep 2013 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1: the present
Okay... no offense meant by this but it needs some work. I'll keep it in bullet points...
1. Indent your paragraphs, even with double spacing this makes it a much easier read
2. Fluttershy is one word, don't adhere to microsoft word's spellcheck, especially not in fanfiction
3. Your actions have almost no feeling to them, you're listing them off without any adjectives involved, these are CRUCIAL
4. Simple but Gentle is redundant because the word "nudge" conveys that anyway. Most adverbs are pointless, make sure your verbs tell the whole message while focusing on description of the nouns.
5. Dialogue consists of its own paragraph. You can describe the mannerism of their movement while they speak and occasionally how they talk, but dont add setting in with speech.
6. Capitilization, beginning of sentances, names, and beginning of dialogue
7. Bears dont eat apples, ever. I know you can take some creativeness here but do at least some back research. Squirrells would be more believable.
8. Off* "Of my farm" doesnt make sense
9. Never use "Uh" in dialogue unless you're referring to a dopey sort of character. Shyness and hesitation is described with"Um"
Im sorry i dont have more time to help with this, and none of this is meant to be rude, but i want to help you with this as much as I can.
Author's Response: I know man plus I abandoned it so don't worry