The Runaround by Arctikfox
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Dawnstar Psychological Services, Alexandria, Virginia.








"Alexandra, where is your three O'clock?"


Alex didn't respond to her receptionists sarcastic question, she knew very well where he was and why he was late. Dawnstar Psychology is a service that deals with individuals who need mental evaluations that were turned away by more reputable establishments. Most clients coming into Dawnstar had serious issues like developing schizophrenia or severe Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but not this young man, he was being sent by the demand of his parents.


This young man has been to a few institutions and was turned away after multiple sessions where he refused to talk. According to the dossier the subject in question was named 'James Aayden Ryan V'. The folder had a full body shot of the patient, standing at six foot three he posed in the most uninterested fashion for the photo with only his light brown hair and his piercing blue eyes being filled out on the info sheet. Looking closer at the photo Alex saw the points of colorful tattoos coming out from the neck of his jacket and he was fit in the right places.


"Sexy." Came a voice from Alex's shoulder.


"That's not funny, Natasha, you know you shouldn't look at patients like that."


"Oh please you were thinking the same, but if it pleases her highness I won't look, though he can look at me any way he wants." Natasha countered with a challenging smirk.


Alexandra facepalmed and went to her office to wait for the patient. Show or no show the clinic would still keep the money so it didn't matter in the grand scheme of things, but to Alex it made her a little sad when she couldn't help troubled cases.


Stopping to open her door she looked out the window to see a swift car pass along the road below the two story lakefront office building. "Where is that boy?"










Subject in question








"Fucking Parents and their bullshit making me go to fucking therapy." I sneered as I sped around a dump truck going 30 mph too slow, "Fucking threatening to cut my college funds off. Assholes."


College is expensive nowadays, I mean seriously I work two jobs just to keep up with off my car and apartment payments. Thinking about the day my drunkard father demanded I go to therapy sent me into fits of rage. What sparked the demand to go to therapy you ask? Simple, My Little Pony, my parents sent me to therapy for liking a show.


The day he found out he tried beating me senseless with a beer bottle, the man literally bursted into my room when I was on spring break and shattered a bottle over my head which now left a scar from my left temple to just behind my ear. He won that one because he took me by surprise even if I did outclass him in size, he was a small angry career drunk and I was a large healthy college kid.


I didn't tell him about my extreme love for the show before the beatdown I received because it was none of his business. I was proud to be a Brony even if we did get a lot of hate for a show. Hate was everywhere, even in online brony communities. This fact saddened me, what the fuck were we arguing about? Just enjoy the show.


Many thoughts ran through my head as I drove my beat up optima into the parking lot, another bargain gift from my parents. It was falling apart and needed to be scrapped. I had to start and turn the car off in a special way, the battery had to be pushed to the side and propped up by a piece of cardboard. I have mechanical knowledge because working at a dodge dealer will do that to you, but even I have no fucking clue why it does that.


Slamming the door I hear the rearview pop off the windshield again. I shoot a glare at the inanimate object "I swear to zenithar I am going to scrap you."


Cursing and lumbering up to the door I sigh when entering the office building. This place was a nice aside from the fact that it was a 'last resort' for people like me.


"Ohhhhhhh you must be James." A lady with a russian accent said,  snapped me from my thoughts and looking her over to her made me slightly light headed. Her name tag Natasha, but with a tight leather outfit like that she should be called Mercedes.


"Yep, James Ryan." She said again while looking me over and double taking on my crotch. She bent over slowly while going through a bin of paperwork before returning to me with a clipboard "Just fill this out and sign here."


"here?" I say pointing to the side on purpose to be as annoying as possible.


She leaned over the counter exposing the full mountain range of cleavage before grabbing my finger and tracing it down slowly. "No, lower baby."


Beating a hasty retreat seemed legit at the time  "Did I just get finger raped?" I whisper as I take my seat between two guys. The guy to my left was muttering to himself, "I'm not stupid, I'm not stupid, I won't jump, go away."


'Ohhh yeah gonna avoid this son of a bitch' I thought. The guy to my right wasn't any better, he was clawing at scabs on his arms.'Nnope'


"Mr. Ryan?"


"YES! That's me." Get me away from these psychos. Rushing to the door as it open I was met with who I assumed was my case worker for the day.


"Mr. Ryan, it is a pleasure to meet you!"


'How do you know? You just met me..' "Yeah, lets get this over with." I ring coldly as I snub the outstretched hand. Usually I'm not a complete dick to people, but ONE, I didn't wanna be here and TWO, I do not trust Psychologists.


Psychologists don't tell you about the loophole where they can tell your parents exactly what you said if you are under the age of 18. Yeah , long story short I told a psychologist some things in confidence and he told my dad and I was beaten into the hospital when we got home. Department of Child Services (DCF) did nothing at all, they were told I leapt in front of a car and they fucking bought it! Anyway enough of that.


I walked into her office and looked around, it looked exactly like every other psychology office in the American North East. She had her degree framed in a fancy frame on the wall and a bookcase filled with books, overall it was stuffy and pretentious. This meeting feels like it would go like all the others, an hour of "Mr. Ryan?Mr. Ryan?Mr. Ryan?" Followed by annoying questions about my youth and vague references to my mother. (Thank you sigmund freud for this..)


"Soooooo Mr. Ryan, tell me about yourself." She said sweetly.


"Damn, two minutes and you're already trying to bed me." I giggle to myself like a moron.


"I assure you Mr. Ryan, I am not trying to "Bed" you" She fixes her half circle glasses.


Everyone on this planet always wants to get something from you, no one helps someone else unless there is something in it for them. I glance to the therapist, she was brunette and wore a black pinstripe pantsuit with a lavender tie. looking closer I saw her hair up in a bun, I sighed and shook my head. "Great I got a fucking crusader." I whisper, she was a goodie two shoes who thinks everyone can be helped.


"Did you say something Mr. Ryan."




"I read your dossier, you have never had a real conversation with any of the professionals that you get assigned to."


"Wonder why." I scoff.


I stretch out on the couch ready to nap, I had fastened my car keys and lanyard to my front belt loop and it shifted, resting on my lap.


"So you like My Little Pony." She asked, causing my eyes to shoot open.


"Yeah, how'd you know?"


She points to my crotch, looking down I saw my cutie mark keychain. It was Luna's cutie mark, the chain I had chosen for that day. Being a hardcore brony lead to things like bringing cutie marks around with you in different forms and I had all the keychains at my apartment, but this one was my favorite. Why? I like the colors, yes I am shallow and yes I am a horrible person.


"Wait a sec." Making a realization, "You were staring at my crotch."


"WHAT?! N-No I was not I assure you."


"Oh so you aren't going to demand that I take the red pill, causing me to wake up in a tub of ice or in the parking lot without my clothes?" Sounding disappointed.


"No! What is wrong with you?!" She asked exasperated.


"Nothing, just playing doc."


"My name is Alexandra Pommel. Not Doc."


"And mine is James Ryan." Crossing my arms and thrusting back onto the couch, resuming my indignation.


"Sorry, we got off to the wrong start." She says pulling her chair up till she is within arms length, the smell of lavender invading my nostrils. She holds a hand out "My name is Alex."




"Jimmy?" She inquires.


"Yeah, only people I like can call me Jimmy."


"So Jimmy, tell me about yourself." she perks up thinking she has won.


"You sure you aren't coming onto me?" I tease. "Cause you seem pretty intent on getting to know me." I look over her and start flirting, I love flirting with uptight people, they lose their minds. When you flirt with people like this they act like you dropped them in the middle of a war zone. I let my eyes wander to places they shouldn't "If you press any more I might have to let you get to know me and I think I might like it."


She uses and arm to block my vision on her chest that was barely contained in her suit top. "Jimmy, please we are running out of time."


"Fine fine." I wave my hand dismissively."What do you wanna know first?"


"What about the reason you're here?"


"Easy, this." I say pointing to my pelvis.


"Mr. Ryan, please stop with the sexual advances."


I roll my eyes, "I meant my key chain, Alex, my father doesn't accept that I watch My Little Pony." She sighs, slightly embarrassed that she thought I was being sexual. "Though if you wanna?" I smile, licking my lips.


Alex Deadpans.


"Fine, it all started when I was in highschool." For the next hour I tell her about my life, when I was in highschool and I found the show, then I told her about my jobs and past failed relationships. I told her of my frustrations and annoyances and I even got her to loosen up. A LOT.







Natasha sat there looking at the clock, 'Alexandra's session was supposed to be done fifteen minutes ago, what gives?' Natasha poked her coworker that had just came in to take over and pointed to her office "Sam, We should go interupt them to tell them it's time to wrap up their conversation.


"Yeah, she's probably lecturing him" The younger girl said "She's like a robot when it comes to talking to people."


The both laughed as they approached the door, but stopped when they heard light music.


"Are they doing what I think they're doing?" Sam asked cautiously.


Both workers put their ears to the door.


"Uhhhnnnn, lower."


"What do we say?"


"P-Please. Go slower.. and deeper."


"Oh my fuck, they are!" Natasha whisper screamed and stormed back to her desk "And she scolded me for that!"


Sam, playing the peacekeeper, "well maybe they know eachother and um.. um.."


"No, she was staring at his picture and Agh!"


Both sam and Natasha turn after hearing some thumps and soft bangs coming from the office the patient and doctor were in.







"Are you enjoying it?"




"I'm glad I came by when I did." I cooed into her ear when moving my hands up her form, sweat already starting to show on my brow.


Her back was to me with her hair let down in long strands of brown and it was pulled to her chest as I pressed on against her form with mine. "Me too, I'm getting a little hot though."


I chuckle lightly before whispering, "Good, it makes it easier for me."


She bit her lip and furrowed her brow, "Faster."


"Sorry, no can do. I only have one way and it's intimate." I say rising a bit for a better position, avoiding our jackets that lay on the back of the couch.


"You are very built up, these muscles are seriously the most tense I have ever seen." I saw trying to work the knot out of her shoulder as she bit her hand.


"Yeah, I've never had this done before."


"What was that?"


"Ah..ahh. I have never had a massage before." She says through flushed cheeks.


"Well sorry for the quality of the massage."


"What do you mean? I think you are doing fantastic."


I just shook my head at her statement while showing my hands, "I have a lot of calluses, masseurs are supposed to have soft hands. I have always had rough hands because I do a lot of manual labor."


I hit a rough patch on her lower back making her bite her lip and quiver, "WhaT KInd oF LaboR"


"Working in garages or warehouses. lots-o-manual labor."


I finish her massage after seeing that were twenty minutes past our time. She ended up sitting between my legs on the couch to get a better angle. She had taken her suit top and tie off revealing her white undershirt and lavender bra, (Not that I was looking/I was totally looking) She had the sexiest beauty mark on her chest.


"Um, Jimmy, you're staring." She said through a blush.


"Whoops sorry, I just can't help but stare at natural beauty."


An awkward silence came over us as we both got ready to part, she fixed her shirt and tie while I put my brown motorcycle jacket on. Did I ride motorcycles? No, I just like the way they look.


I turned to see her standing mere inches away from me, "So same time next week?"


"Sure, if I don't have work." I say passively.


"Then call when you find out." She smiles, this chick just won.. she got me to talk. devious..


Walking out without another word I pass the front desk and saw the two ladies ogling me, I say "Ladies." as I pass. I hear the lady I assumed to be Natasha start ranting the second I opened the door to leave.


"And you told me to not do anything!"







I sigh, pushing my battery back into place to start my car and thinking about my therapist. She was beautiful but she was another broken heart waiting to happen. I had a bad reputation with relationships, I rush into love and then the other person always finds someone better, the worst part was they always forgot to notify me that they had moved on, to put it simply, they cheated on me.


My roommate John was the opposite, he avoided relationships and always had multiple chicks texting him day and night. He had the most annoying text tone, it was the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers communicator sound. I grew used to the sound after knowing him since Freshman year of High School. We did everything together, online gaming, fixing cars, you name it. The one thing that did separate us was My Little Pony, he had been a Brony at first but lately he has jumped ship. His argument is that the fandom is dying down, but that happens in off season, I however, am a true brony through and through.


Driving through the streets of Alexandria I get a text from my boss, Roan. -Come in, we need you.-


"Good to feel loved." I sneer, I knew it was something annoying, Roan usually states what he needs unless its something no one wants to do, cause if he said "Hey we need you to clean all the cars on the lot" Everyone would be like "Oh, I didn't see the text."


Luckily, I was in the area so the drive was short.


Pulling into the dealership I saw many of my coworkers walking into the service bay where we performed maintenance and repairs. I saw john in his coveralls, they were bright green with white strips. He looked peeved so 'yeeeeep it is something stupid'


Being the loud mouth I am I rode slowly behind the group, "Oi! Dafuq you doin!" I honked at the group who flipped me the bird and started laughing after seeing who I was. "Joooooooooooooohn"


"Yo, Jimmy, waassssssup." He brings me into our ghetto handshake that ends in a bro hoof.


"Nothin, just went to see my therapist. Wha-"


"Did you fuck her?"


*SSIIIIIGGGHHHH* I facepalm at his question. I was the flirtatious one, but John was a super slut. He was one of these "Hey what's your name, wanna fuck?"


Sitting there I thought back to the completely platonic (sexual), nonerotic (super erotic) massage I gave my therapist and blushed up a storm. I avoided his increasingly intense stare and turned to park.


"AAAHHHHH NO! NO! That is not happening right now!" John ran around yelling and laughing. My coworkers walked out of the bay wondering what he was on about.




"No I didn't!" I shout from under my hood as I go through the tiring process of turning my car off.


"Bullshit! I know that look!" John was tapping me like a psycho. "Why do you smell so strongly of lavenderrrr?"


I look around the the shit eating grins of the other mechanics.


"Guys" I laugh as they approach. "What are you doing?" I'm wrapped in a group hug as these psychos start to smell me "Guys" The mechanics start to laugh "Stahp"




I looked over from the sausage fest that is the dodge sales lot to see our collective boss, Roan.


"We have shit to do, stop circle jerking and get over here."


We disperse and walk to the bay, it was like any other professional garage, it had multiple lifts and boxes for tools but that wasn't what grabbed our attention. On all the lifts in the bay were various-




"Ah.. What Roan?" He seemed particularly stressed out.


"You know the deal, when you're in the bay You're dressed out."


"FFFFFFFFine." Blubbering as I walk to the locker room. We had some liberties at this dealership, we all got personal coveralls and a jacket/pant/boot combo, all of which had to be approved. My coveralls were red with a white rising sun casting rays onto other parts of my body with black and red boots.


I walked into the bay to see my fellow technicians groaning in frustration.


I saw John beating his head against a lift, "What's wrong big guy?"


John sighed angrily and pointed to all the vehicles "Roan just said we have to assemble their respective engines and take them to Miami Beach."


"What? What about a car carrier?"


"Not fast enough. There is a car show and the owner of this place" John points in all directions "Is hosting the show and wants these cars there in a three days."


"Fuck me in the tits." I grow as frustrated as the other mechanics.


"Well if your offering." John grins like a jackal.


"Get the fuck out you weirdo." Laughing as I push him away. "I call the Charger."


"Ha, nope. Chargers mine." John pushes me away from the beauty.


Looking around I see all the mechanics standing by their respective vehicles which left.. me.. with.. fuck my life.


"Why are you giving me the challenger?" I sneer.


"You were late, Jim." John shrugs "First come first served."


"Shmeh!" I huff, moving to the vehicle. It was a 2015 challenger and while I do like challengers the '15 made a whining sound on acceleration, it was fixable, but It was annoying so I would have to deal with it until Miami.


Preparing my tools for work, I roll over and start crawling under before I hear the sudden release of air and a snap. The challenger slammed down to the floor and the wheel impacted inches away from my head.


"OOOHHHH shit Jim you okay?" John said rushing over with other mechanics to my prone form.


Laying there and staring at the vehicle that nearly made my head a pancake, I teared up. Accidents like this always made me sad, I hated being on this planet so much that if a tire did destroy my head I'd probably welcome it.


"What happened here?" Roan's nasally voice called as he looked over the snapped lift.


"Nothin' boss, Jimmy's luck just saved him again." John said as he walked past Roan, the latter of which avoided looking at John directly. John was tall, even for me, he was a 6'5 black guy that had these crazy emerald eyes. John and Roan often argued back and forth, Roan was a racist and John always dragged that fact out. Sometimes I wished I was John.


"You, back to work." Roan spat as he passed the Challengers grill.


Looking over the new engines I heard John fiddling with the bays speaker system "Any requests?"


The various techs raised their heads "Barbie Girl!"


"Call me maybe!"


"Kenny G! Charm my pants off!"


"Something by Taylor Swift!" These guys loved being silly.


John nodded at all their suggestions like he actually considered them.


I was seated under the hood looking at joints and other components that seemed fine after that spill she took. "What about you, Jimmy?"


Standing up on the broken lift I simply made a movement and pretended to inject my veins with adrenaline, signaling to play a song of the same name by Gavin Rossdale. John laughed "Good choice, good choice." John turned up the speakers to where they cracked when the drums started.


I loved working on cars, but I wanted something more.






"I think were good!" John laughed, jolting me away from under the chassis.


"Huh-wha? What time is it?" I ask slightly upset, ever get woken up from one of thooooose dreams? The one you want to go right back in to? Yeah I was on the beach with human Celestia.. I'll leave you to imagine the details.


"it's nine, C'mon Ryan." John slapped my leg "We have an early start tomorrow."


"Fine, greek tonight?"


"MMMno, how about Italian?"


I looked at John with a deadpanned stare before we both laughed, "Chinese"


Moving from under the hood I look over to see Roan glaring at me, no doubt upset that he didn't catch me sleeping. I hold my arms up in a 'dufaq you want' pose. Some people don't deserve management positions, Roan was one of them, he threw his authority around like a chip'n'dale dancer throws his disco stick.


I shake my head and grab my keys to leave, but I am stopped by John who looked nervous "Yo, I'll catch a ride home with vasquez I'll see you later."


"Cool, cool." I say not giving a shit.


Not much happened after I got home, I reheated old chinese food from the China Wok across the street and put on the boob tube. My laptop was hooked up to our large screen so I just sat there half paying attention to Friendship Is Magic and reading fanfiction online. I read many of the comments bronies said to each other, as if we don't get enough hate as individuals. I sigh, unable to read much further.


The room lit up before a loud crash rang out, a storm was moving in fast. I heard the rain start to fall and get heavier as the minutes passed, I didn't care, it was awesome sleeping weather.


I was cleaning my dishes when my show was interrupted, in place of Luna's rant about Nightmare Night was a loud severe weather advisory.


I heard my text tone ring 'Fatality' prompting me to search my coveralls that hung on my black recliner to see a text from John "Hey, were starting the drive tonight. Need to get there asap you know why ;)"


I Laughed, not a 'haha' laugh but a 'fuck you' laugh. "Miami Beach?"


After an hour he texted me back "Yup ;D"


"Whore" After my text he never texted me back.


I sighed, I hate when people do that, at least send me a 'ttyl' or some shit. I begin packing for the trip bringing like two changes of clothes, Laptop and some toiletries along with a knife and a 6 shot revolver. Why weapons? It was Miami. I sat in my chair and started to fall asleep watching Rainbow Rocks, all in all it was an okay night.


The storm raged outside and I looked out onto the city as it was battered by the downpour, "I wish I was in Equestria"





Waking up in my apartment I throw my remote across the room in agitation, I wanted to leave this life so badly and I guess I am the fool for wishing to go to Equestria. I fall asleep wishing and wake up expecting it, but never see it, I just wake up in my apartment slightly agitated. My apartment was dark and I looked at my watch and pressed the G button that lit up a green display saying 5:06, it was time to go.


Driving into work early, I see Roan along with many police investigators questioning other mechanics. Walking up to the bay Roan sees me and points to me. The next thing I know is I am flanked by seven cops.


"James Ryan?"


"Eeyup." I respond annoyed.


"Do you know these men?" The biggest cop asks, pulling out multiple photos.


I see my coworkers and John in the photos, I knew it was not an 'identify this dead guy' question so I responded appropriately. "Look, you know I work here." I drop my duffle "Wanna just cut the horseshit and ask me outright what's up?"


Roan walks over really upset with my attitude "You know! Don't you?"


*SIGH* "And what is it I should know?"


The largest cop named 'Menendez' spoke "Did John tell you anything?"


"Yeah" I say handing over my phone "They said they were getting a head start on the delivery of the cars."


"WHAT?!" Roan yelled, then got quiet.


"What, What?" I say eloquently. "That's the job you gave us."


Menendez looks at the shrinking form of Roan "Is this true."


"Yes, but they were supposed to take them this morning."


The cops sigh and leave except for Menendez "Do you want a followup investigation?"


I pick up my duffle and leave the idiot to defend his over the top reaction. I get easily agitated when people freak out for no reason at all and people like Roan get no remorse at all..




Looking around I couldn't pinpoint the source of the voice, given it was slightly dark in the bay due to the early morning hours. We had overhead lights but only every other one was on, which left a lot of shadows.


"Who said my name?"


"Down here you momo."


A red Dodge Viper sat on a lift to my right and had a pair of flailing arms under it and in retrospect I should have guessed who it was.


"Luigi, what's up? Why are the cops here?" Luigi looked like a fatter version of John Leguizamo.


He looked around and signalled me to get closer, so I rested my hand on the rim of the open hood and knelt down "Your buddy john and the other Technicians that were supposed to transport the cars to Miami are going to steal them."


Giving Luigi a sceptical look, "Dude, John has a lax life, he can't steal them. Who do you think John is, a common criminal?"


Luigi chuckled to himself and smiled wide revealing his gross teeth, that bled when he grinned. "Oh he has the connections, he has even planned a story where the cars were stolen and he was held at gun point."


"How do you know this?" I start inching closer.


He looked up at me with weird eyes, they seemed glazed over "I was offered the same deal, but I know the people are killers. yeah yeah killers."


That's all I needed to hear, I needed to go now "Where are they meeting?"


"Ever hear of state route 41?"




"It's a stretch of road that spans the everglades, it is vast nothingness except for an indian reservation. That is where they are doing the switch."


"UGH don't you have anything more specific than that? I have heard of the everglades.. that's like half of Florida." I grab his coverall in a threatening manner, my best friend is in trouble I need more info.


Luigi held up his hands in a placating manner "Hey man, that's all I know." Luigi said before I released his shirt "Though I did hear something about a miccosukee casino."


Rising to my feet I strode over to the challenger, but stopped and turned to the greasy mechanic "Thanks Luigi, seriously."


He gave a nod signalling that the gratitude was appreciated.


"OOF" I expelled as I turned headlong into a woman knocking both of us to the floor. I was dazed from the sudden impact and didn't know where I was for a second. My first reaction was to feel around and I got two handfuls of soft. Coming to I saw she was propped up on her elbows with my head firmly in her pelvis, one hand on her chest and the other on her ass.


"Oh shit, ma'am I am so sorry." I say rushing to get up with my face crimson from embarrassment.


"No problem, my girls like a good feel every once in a while." She winked at me.


'Okay lady you are not helping the rising problem in my pants right now.' I thought sarcastically. Looking her over more thoroughly I saw that her hair was two toned black and white, her irises were red and her scalera were yellow. She wore tight grey pinstripe slacks and a matching vest, overall a 10.


I stared for longer than I should have, "Uhhhhh, FUCK sorry I gotta go." I shouted and ran to the white challenger and threw my duffle in the back and hooked up the aux cord.


I started her up with a loud roar and hear the system kick on with an english accent, "User?"


I cycled through the options, I would do this later. I throw it into drive and start rolling and see Roan stomping up to me as I exit the bay, "Jimmy! If you fuck this car up, I'll fuck you up! If I hear that there is one scratch on this car I will beat you till you die."


I may get fired for this but fuck it. slowly and calmly I turn to my employer "Roan, if you say one more fucking word to me, I will get out of this car and open your fucking head." Roan looked like a gasping fish for a second. "That's a good look for you Roan, that open mouth look, now go play soggy biscuit with your man-wife."


I floor the accelerator and peel out of there leaving my soon to be ex-boss stunned.


"Hold on John, I'm on the way."







Roaring down interstate 75, I crossed the Florida Georgia border a day after I left and when I did the weather went from rainy to hot then hot to windy. Florida was one of the vacation capitals of the world and couldn't decide on what weather to have. I don't know why it was popular, it was hot and muggy and sooooo many old people. Though Florida did have one thing right, the water, being a peninsula helped supply this state with many tourist traps.


After fifty miles I felt like I was being followed so I looked in my rearview a few times and only caught glimpses of a red sports car as it conveniently weaved behind other vehicles when I looked.


Nearing the big turn into the everglades, my suspicions were confirmed, that viper I saw in Alexandria was following me. I pulled off the highway and took state route 41 through the everglades and after a while I didn't see the car anymore.


"HA, try following me? Nope." The sky seemed to be getting darker and darker, initially I thought a storm was brewing but it only started to rain normally. The rain was not the reason it got darker, when I looked up I saw the night sky with the most clarity I have ever seen.


Looking back to the road I didn't see a single car, so I floored it and jolted forward to 130, I was close and I needed every second.


After about ten minutes I started to nod my head from sleep deprivation and after coming around a bend I saw something in the road, a cloaked blueish dog.


"HORRYYY SHIEEET" I scream as I slam on my brakes, but it was too late. My vehicle slowed significantly but the impact was still enough to send it skidding across the pavement.


"Shit,Shit,Shit,Shit" I say rushing to the dogs side, but to my surprise it was not a dog. I looked it over "What the fuck are you?"


I looked it over and saw the blood, I lifted the cloth and immediately dropped it and reeled back from what I saw.


"Nope, nope, this can't happen." I rush over and slam my head onto the hood of my car. "Ouch.. yeah definitely awake.."


I slowly walked over and knelt by the downed being that was bathed in the headlights of the car. I took a few deep breathes and pulled back the cloak covering it's head.


There in front of me laid a very injured Lyra Heartstrings, unicorn, citizen of Ponyville and a character in MY favorite tv show and I hit her.. WITH my car.. "Fuck me."


Getting hit by a speeding car would be enough to kill anything, maybe she had a chance if she is still alive. I brought her close and heard the weak thumping of her heart, she was running out of time. Scooping up the unconscious unicorn and buckling her in I sped to the closest lit building for directions to an animal hospital or a clinic SOMETHING!


I saw a lit group of thatched buildings and drove through a small gate before skidding into a cleared dirt area, "HELP! I NEED HELP!"


Nothing happened for about a minute, just a gentle night breeze and the distant cracks of thunder.




"You are very vulgar in your language."


I spun on my heels to the voice echoing behind me, and what I saw weirded me out "What the? What are you supposed to be?"


"I am the owner of the gate that you destroyed and the master of these grounds. The real question is who are you?" He said without opening his eyes.


I looked over the middle aged Native American, he was in a full head dress, facepaint, and smoking a pipe. I looked him up and down and he seemed to be in very traditional garb for his tribe, maybe they had a parade?


"I am Jimmy Ryan.."


"Well, Jimmy Ryan, why have you barged onto my reservation with an injured pony?"


"I need hel.. I never said I had a pony.." I stepped back from the man as his smoke started to spread, filling my field of view.


"You are right, you did not, I did." He finally opened his eyes, revealing nothing but black.


Falling to the ground and trying to crawl away on my back the being made no effort to advance on me. "Seriously what the fuck.."


"Cursing like you do will not help you in the future young one." His calm demeanor put me in a state of ease.


Snapping back to why I was there, I pointed to the injured mare. "Will you save her?"


"No, but I can help you save her." He says cryptically. He stomped his foot and torches lit the dim courtyard revealing the forests and a path that laid behind him, it went nowhere but into what looked like a swamp. "The pony came from there and there is where she will survive, with your help." He stated pointing the lip of his pipe behind him.


I understood what he meant.. but John..


"I.. I.. Will she live if I take her to a hospital here." I ask rubbing the back of my head, trying to figure out a way out. I love My Little Pony, but John needed my help.


"No." He stared into my eyes with those black pools. Seriously like lever 100 creep right here.


"umm will.." I tried asking about my friend but this guy didn't know him so there was little point.


"He will die with the others who went with him, you cannot save both." When he said that Lyra started to seize prompting him to walk over to the passenger side and exhaled smoke onto her causing her to calm down, "She is running out of time."


I turn to him as a wind sweeps through the small abandoned village "Will I ever return?"




"Thank you." With a sad smile I leapt into my car peeling past the village elder and into the dark, I knew what I had to do.


*Honk* The village elder sighed after watching the young man leave and walked to the gate where a red Viper sat with its owner sitting on the hood. The torches were extinguished and in their place, ice.


"I see you helped my plaything escape."


"I sent him to a place you could no longer hurt him." The chief said matter of factly as he packed his pipe with more tobacco. "You seem dead set on wronging him, so like a petulant child I took him away from you."


"Ouch, getting serious now are we not?" She cooed stretching her hand out only to have it get frozen the second she crossed an invisible barrier.




"Very funny, when are you going to lighten up." She giggled and splayed herself out onto the hood of her car once more.


"You are not welcomed here Raven"


"Oh, I'll leave, but i'll be back." She smirked widely "I always am."


"Leave, vile Raven." The chief stomped and the clouds thundered in rage.


The woman stood as she felt raindrops on her skin. "You know I prefer my other name."


"Very well, leave, Eris."


"See you sooooooon."







I kept checking Lyra's pulse while the swamp sped by outside the window. Her pulse was strong and steady, but still needed medical attention from the wound on her side. The swamp path gave way to a countryside dirt road. "Hold on Lyra."


Lyra opened her eyes weakly to see me pressing against the cloak that was now wrapped around her barrel to keep her from bleeding out.


I floored it, almost maxing out the mph gauge and careened over a hill. My eyes could not believe the sight before me, Ponyville.


The town's lights were dimmed except for a group near a dark forest just opposite the valley I was speeding through. I saw torches and some flying ponies. I almost lost control of my car when I saw the Pegasi, but nerdgasming would have to wait, Lyra needed to get to the hospital. Luckily for me the hospital was the largest building there and with a red cross who could miss it?
















Bonbon was pacing back and forth in Twilight's library surrounded by the elements of harmony and various other concerned Pony Folk "I-I-I-I don't know where she went to.. we got into an argument and and."


Twilight held up her hoof, "Start at the beginning Bonbon, what made you and her get into a fight?"


Bonbon stopped and lowered her head in shame, "She was talking about humans again.. you know how she gets." Bonbon sat on the floor with a huff. "For as long as I can remember she has been obsessed with humans, even to the point of trying to turn into one.."


All the ponies grunt in recognition of this fact. It was a well known fact that Lyra was the resident weirdo, kinda like that crazy cat lady but minus the cats. She would sit like humans, eat like humans, and talk like humans, using references that nopony except Pinkie Pie got but was sure to only be playing along for Lyra's sake.


"We got home from the Summer Sun celebration in Canterlot and she asked me if I thought humans had celebrations like that and and.."


"And what, Bonbon?" The Mayor asked.


"I snapped at her and ranted about humans having never existed and that she should grow up!" Bonbon started to cry. "We need to search for her!"


"How long has it been?" Mayor Mare asked.


"Two days.." Bonbon whispered.


Twilight nodded to the Mayor, "We need to search now"


Fluttershy 'eeped' "N-Now? It is nighttime and dark creatures come out at night."


Applejack put her arm on Fluttershy, "It's okay there Shy, those varmints won't come near a large group of ponies. Plus we need to find Lyra."


Twilight looked to the fastest flyer in Equestria, "Rainbow! Get as many ponies together as you can, there isn't a moment to lose!"


"Yeah!" Rainbow exclaimed as she exploded out the window.


The ponies left the library a few minutes later ready for a late night of searching. In those few minutes Rainbow had assembled a large group of ponies that were holding torches.


"What are we here?" Called a large easily recognizable stallion, Thunderlane.


Twilight teleported to a stage that stood higher than the crowd, "Thank you all for coming, Lyra Heartstrings, our friend is missing."


Silence was the only thing that responded.


"We need to go looking for her." The alicorn deadpanned.


The crowd parted and the town snob, Filthy Rich, walked out with his nose held high, "And why should we? She does nothing but spout nonsense, if she has put herself in a situation that gets her eaten then good riddance."


"Filthy! You truly are filthy!" Rarity chided from behind Twilight. "A mare is in trouble and you would not lend a hoof?"


Filthy answered with his silence as he walked away, being flanked by his daughter.


"Forget'em Twi, we need to start now." Rainbow hovered above the crowd all too ready to play the hero.


Twilight sighed, she started to hate being a princess. She wanted to just be a librarian again not an alicorn with all these responsibilities. In an effort to change her line of thought, Twilight thought about Lyra and where she could have gone. More often than not when ponies went missing they ended up in the everfree forest.


Shaking her head in frustration, Lyra always preached about the existence of humans and she was right, in a way. Canterlot High was home to humans, but not the same humans that Lyra always preached about, they were identical to Equestria in their moods and names. Lyra talked about the massive bloody wars the humans fought and in the process turned away many would-be friends.


Twilight's thoughts were interrupted by a crack of thunder from overhead, a storm had moved in over the everfree. Listening closer Twilight heard music, loud, thrashing music. "Oh my Celestia what is that racket?"


"I don't know darling, but it is atrocious." The white mare said as her ears folded over.


The ponies were at the mouth of the Everfree and heard distant roaring, but the noise didn't come from the everfree. Looking to each other in a puzzled manner, one of the Pegasi flying overhead broke the silence when she shouted.


"That! It's heading toward Ponyville!" Flitter jolted her hoof in the direction of the speeding carriage with lights.


"Princess, what do we do?" The Mayor asked.


"We need to confront that thing, me and the other elements will go do that and the mayor will search the immediate area!" Twilight ordered while sprinting with the other ponies toward Ponyville.





Being between nerdgasming over Ponyville and panicking over the dying fan favorite is very taxing. I looked around and saw buildings I recognized, but in a 3-D cartoon image instead of the 2-D video I watched on dailymotion. I saw many buildings I didn't recognize and the village seemed larger than what I would have imagined. Lights started to turn on in the houses as I passed them on my way to the hospital.


Reaching the hospital took longer than I wished, slamming the brakes on and throwing the emergency brake on I wrapped my head in a blue shirt I had in my duffle. 'I can't let these ponies see too much of me.' I thought.


Many fanfictions I read, things are normal until the human arrives and then the shit hits the fan. And something I wasn't down for right now was copious amounts of crap to be in or around the vicinity of a fan two minutes after I got here..


Lyra was starting to convulse sending me into a panicked rush to get her inside. I ripped her door open and scooped her shivering form in my arms, rushing her to the main doors. Spartan kicking them in and scaring a pony that was sitting in the waiting room I strode over to the help desk where a White mare, Nurse Redheart, sat and read a magazine.


'Did you not just hear me break your door?' I glared at her as she chewed gum and slid a clipboard saying 'new patient procedure'. I propped Lyra onto my shoulder and slammed my fist down onto the desk bell, breaking it. She looked up to me and froze as I swore at her "REDHEART DO YOUR FUCKING JOB!"


Looking around holding Lyra there I saw the doctor in the corner of my vision, "Nurse! Prepare a room!" He shouted, levitating a gurney under Lyra and checking her while I layed her down carefully.


"She's lost a lot of blood! Get three bags of A+ NOW!"


Stepping back watching the doctors work I caught myself feeling guilty, 'I hope she doesn't die because of me.' I shook the feeling and turned but not before caught the eye of the stallion in the waiting room. He looked at me with terror and his mouth was gaping. I nodded at Filthy Rich as I ran out the door and jogged to my car I heard someone shout.




Glancing over made my heart melt, I saw Twilight Sparkle like seven houses away running towards me with the other members of the mane six. I looked at each one and shook myself out of my stupor, "Fanboy later, run now."


"What the? I SAID STOP!" Twilight yelled at me and tried to run faster.


The roar of the engine shook the nearby building as the car sped out of the town. In the rearview I looked at the shrinking group and buildings, but I saw the Rainbow had matched my speed while keeping her distance. Looking around I didn't see a place to run, suffice to say I didn't think this out.


The flicker of light from the forest caught my eye, "Fuck" I knew that this dark forest was the everfree and that the one constant in every fanfiction and episode was that you shouldn't fuck with the everfree. Speeding along the edge of the forest I passed an opening that led to a path, that's my exit. I whipped around my car and spun out, I looked around "Of course I'm on grass.." Sharp turns and grass never mix.


To my left I saw Rainbow land, giving the car a cautious look. What would you do if you saw Rainbow Dash, like THE Rainbow Dash? I giggled(masculine giggle) and squealed(manly squeal) while taking a photo with my phone.


She started approaching while saying something, I couldn't hear her because my music was loud. 'I gotta get out of here' Biting my lip in urgency, I start to roll slowly because if I gun it I may dig myself into a hole and then I would be verbally raped/assaulted by Twilight. My rolling angered the Pegasus and she flew infront of me but high enough that I could pass under her. I rolled against her protests and saw that the other five had started to catch up.


"Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on, Come on" I say looking for the opening. When I finally saw it my heart dropped, a blue pony I didn't know was standing at the entrance. "Fuck me"


At this point I was sitting in my car trying to calm my breathing, I loved the show and I wanted nothing more than to jump out and be like 'hey I'm jimmy sorry I hit your friend', but on the other hand I have NOO idea what consequences that would have. I glanced at the mane six talking and looking at the car before Twilight stepped out and started talking, again I couldn't hear her from the volume of my music. Looking around more I saw many of the Ponyville ponies walking up from behind them.


The pony that had been obliviously standing at the entrance moved to the approaching group and with her movement I shifted and slammed down on the gas.. and then nothing. "What the fuck? Am I"


'Twilight's right fucking there, THE element of magic is right there.. of course she would use magic.' I glance over and cycle through my ipod. "Lets see if you can concentrate with Rammstein."





*Pant* *Pant* "Are we there yet Twilight?" Rarity coughed, wanting the exercise to end.


"Almost, I see Rainbow flying above it. It stopped!" Twilight exclaimed in victory. "Now we can ask it what happened!"


"B-But it ate that thing that was walking out of the hospital!" Fluttershy shouted.


Twilight remembers when she went to Canterlot High and seeing "Cars" they were self driven metal carriages. Maybe this thing is from there and this is all just a giant mishap?


"Twilight, I caught it" Rainbow yelled proudly, standing beside the car that was booming with music.


"Eh, sugarcube, I don't think you did anythin'" Applejack drawled, "It just stopped."


While the girls bickered back and forth Twilight sat there trying to observe the idle car, it was white with black lines above the tires. She tried to make out more details but it was very dark and she had just ran what she felt was enough for a lifetime.


"What do we do?" Rarity whispered.


"I will try and initiate negotiations.." Twilight poised herself while the other mares fell into formation beside her. "Um.. Mr. Car! Greetings I am Princess Twilight Sparkle, Regent of Friendship and holder of the Element of Magic!"


Mr. Car didn't respond to Twilight save the growl of the engine and the low boom of music. Twilight grew agitated that she had just introduced herself with no response whatsoever.


"Uhhh Twilight ah think it's about ta run." Twilight's stetson wearing friend warned.


"Oh no you don't!" Twilight ignited her magic in an attempt to stop the car from speeding out of there. It was a struggle to lift the pulling carriage, but she did it. "HA! Now you will answer my questions!"


"Whow Twilight!" cheered the other mares as more ponies arrived to the scene.


A sound started to play from from the floating car and after a few seconds, it was pleasant until it exploded with a loud thrashing sound shaking the area with it's bass. The volume was breaking Twilights concentration and with a final flicker the car dropped and kicked up dirt as it sped into the forest.


Rarity held a hoof to her mouth and gasped, "Oh my"


Twilight grunted in anger, "What?"


"I assume none of you speak germane?"


The ponies gave a collective 'No'


Rarity sat there slightly disturbed at the words she heard, she slumped slightly.


"What is wrong Rarity?" Fluttershy asked.


"That thing.. it said whoever knows pain from the fire that burned the skin is blamed, in germane.." (Yay for cultural differences)


The ponies gave each other nervous glances before Twilight stood, "We need to tell the Princesses, NOW"






"HAAA YEAH!" I scream seeing the ponies left in my rearview. Listening to feuer frei always did the trick to ruin people's coherent thought. With significant distance between me and the ponies who didn't pursue, I turned my music way down.


"Fuck me.." I cursed seeing my gas gauge was a notch away from E. "Well it was a good run while it lasted."


After a few more minutes I stopped driving due to the sight that laid before me, through the forest I saw the ruins of an old village that sat by what looked like a lake. 'This wasn't in the show' I parked and put my only firearm in my waistband.


Approaching the ruins I began to get a cold feeling, haven't even been here a day and I broke one of the main rules.. don't fuck with the everfree. This place was more still than it should have been, no animals, not even a breeze. Everything seemed to have been abandoned in a hurry, kitchens had long rotted meals and playgrounds had the remains of eroded toys. If you ever see pictures of Chernobyl, the eeriness felt identical. I walked and walked, this village was big but not without end. I walked up to the lakefront and stood on a stone jetty, the lake was enormous and in my amazement I looked up.


"No way.. No fuckin WAY!" I exclaim in excitement at what my eyes beheld.


'The ruins of the royal pony sisters' The village laid at the base of the small mountain the castle was built into, I saw the rickety bridge that covered the ravine I saw in episode two. Looking closer I saw that the castle had a dock that led to the lake with two giant rusted iron gates, one for boats and one for carts.


My excitement was halted when I heard growling. Everfree at night plus growling? Equals a 'fuck no' to the power of 'nope'. I beat a hasty retreat to the iron doors I saw earlier, maybe they were open.. I wasn't holding my breath though.


I drove to the doors and the closer I got the more forlorn I grew. "Come ON! Can I get a break?"


The iron door had decayed for 1000 years, why would it work? The metal was flaking badly and where there wasn't flaking was completely rusted through and brittle. I walked around it and saw an old chain that laid at its base.


"Aha! Brain Blast!" I yell making fun of my name a little (Jimmy - Jimmy neutron) I wrap the chain around a sturdy bar and hook it up to the tow hook and pulled the gate down with the engine sputtering and threatening to die. "Cmon just a little longer-OH SHIT!"


A manticore leapt on my hood but misstepped and fell off the front. "What do I do? AGH?!" I gunned the car forward when the lion-thing got up, sending it to the ground again.


I cursed and got out of my car with my revolver, "Stop! I don't want to kill you!" In truth I really didn't cause those who kill animals in Equestria are always found out and then treated like a monster. In an effort to not add the the growing list of shit I scream again, maybe it could understand me like Fluttershy. Nope.


"STOP!" The manticore charged at me leaving me little choice but to open fire. And open fire I did.


The clicking of the trigger was the only sound that remained after the manticore hit the ground. My nerves are a mess, I have never killed before. I lived in the city, why would I need to hunt? "AGH!" I yell in frustration as I bury my boot in the side of the dead beings head. I needed all six shots to down the beast, only the last one seemed to actually affect it.


The sleep deprivation from the past two days of not sleeping was rushing to take me. I tore down the gate and drove into the gaping maw that was the dark cart entrance and used what little gas I had to shut a secondary door. The secondary door was in better shape, it was made of wood but it only seemed one hundred years old instead of an age ten times that. The second I pushed it shut with the front of my car the engine sputtered and died leaving only the electrical systems on.


So here I am, a human in Equestria. I have no ammunition, no gas, no food, and noooo combat experience. I start to freak out but the strains of past events start to drag my eyes shut and whisk me away to sleep. My panic about the situation here being postponed until I tomorrow.






"And then it 'drove' into the forest where soon after you heard six loud bangs and then nothing?"


"Yes, Princess Celestia."


Princess Celestia and Princess Luna stood in the middle of the Ponyville library. It was Luna's time to reign over the night, but the urgency of Twilight's letter made it necessary to wake her sister. Luna stepped up to Twilight with a curious expression


"And this, what did you call it Twilight? Human? This human is the one that attacked Ms. Heartstring?"


"No, yes, ..we aren't sure." Twilight sighed, defeated from the hour long interrogation that the Princesses put her through. "The doctor said that it was the one that brought Lyra in and demanded them to help her. Nurse Redheart said it called her by name, but we think the shock of the situation is clouding her account of the situation."


"And you are sure it is a human, Twilight Sparkle?" Luna pressed further slightly disturbed by the situation at hoof.


"We didn't get a good look at it, its head was covered up and it moved too fast. Though, it drove a car which is something I've only ever seen when I went to retrieve my crown from Sunset Shimmer."


"This is troubling indeed." Luna looked to her sister who wore a contemplative expression. "What do you think, Tia?"


"I think we need to wait for it to reappear before we do anything." Celestia said wisely "Let it's intentions be known before we act one way or another. Though, we need to contact Sunset Shimmer regardless to discover if she knows anything about this."


"Do you think she will help us?" Twilight asked.


"I feel she has turned over a new leaf, with the elements of harmony and some real friends she is seeing the error of her ways." The white princess smiled warmly.


Rainbow flew up, "But the portal only opens once every thirty moons?"


"A problem easily remedied, Rainbow Dash." Luna said proudly.


Rainbow, without thinking asked "How?"


Luna deadpanned and pointed to her cutie mark.


"OH.. right.. haha." Rainbow scratched the back of her mane in embarrassment, she was the moon goddess, of course she can manipulate the moon cycle.


"Then it is settled," Celestia rose "In three days we will meet at the castle and you will contact Sunset Shimmer"


"Yes, Princess." Twilight gritted her teeth a little, she was unsure if this was too soon to test Sunset. She wronged everypony and nearly destroyed a school..







"Yah okay there Sunset?" Applejack asked.


"Yeah, I might be getting a cold because I have been sneezing all day."


Pinkie Pie jumped out from behind the counter, "OH OH! Maybe a human found his way into Equestria and the princesses want your help in figuring it out, but things go crazy when a hotty hot hotty starts to play with his temper and his libido mmmhmhmmhm-"


Rainbow shoves a cupcake into the Pink demons mouth "Pinkie that's enough of your craziness."


Sunset sat there and looked out the window of the cafeteria to the statue that was the portal between worlds and gulped, "I have a bad feeling about that."

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