Date: 07 Apr 2012 10:55 PM Title: Broken: Kindness
Without there presence -> their presence
councilors -> counsellors, unless this is a Britishism
“Honestly girl, you should know better than to hang around with those hooligans. Those little terrors have been picking on everypony since they got here. You need to take better care of yourself!" - Lofty is blaming Fluttershy instead of doing her job and stopping the bullies.
“Fluttershy? That’s a funny name!” Squeaked Rainbow. -> “Fluttershy? That’s a funny name!” squeaked Rainbow.
ground you permanently!” Laughed one -> ground you permanently!” laughed one
For a moment she felt like she was floating...then she slammed into the damp earth below. She lay in a circle of shattered, brittle, brightly colored insects. Her descent had ripped them apart, coating her in the fine powder from their wings and the guts from their broken bodies. She only had a moment to register the feel of slick mud and bug guts before darkness an pain overtook her. - This is a great way to end the chapter. The way it was told in canon was physically impossible, which makes this all the more believable - and now we want to find out what really happened, and why she changed the story, and why Discord, who is supposed to be evil, is the one telling the truth. (Is there a "Obi Wan lies, Darth Vader tells the truth" TV trope?)
Ah, thanks for pointing out the 'their' right there. I do miss those on occasion. As to any instances of 'Britishisms' they're not entirely intentional, but as I'm married to a Brit I've picked up a lot of her spelling habits...and she is my editer most of the time!
And yes, Lofty was being hard on Fluttershy. In my experience, people often blame the victim for being...well..victimizable when it comes to circumstances like bullying. This is especially the case when it comes to boys, but it often occurs with girls as well. In Lofty's defense, she did try to handle the situation by breaking up the bully's little clique by sending one of the boys home. Sadly that measure only exacerbated the problem.
I'm glad you liked the ending of chapter one, and hope you enjoy chapter two should you read it. Sadly not all questions are answered in Broken Kindness. But there are answers coming before the Broken series is done.