Please read and review?

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Please read and review?

Postby Party Pony » Sat Aug 16, 2014 4:15 pm

Could anyone possibly read and review my newest story? It is titled 'Agents' as it is a sequel to another story I wrote titled 'Guards'. If you could read and review both, they would be fantastic, but all I really ask is a second opinion on 'Agents'. If anyone can help, here is a direct link to the chapters I have written so far. It is still a work in progress.

http://explicit.ponyfictionarchive.net/ ... &warning=9
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Re: Please read and review?

Postby flutterdash1 » Sat Aug 16, 2014 10:26 pm

Just at a quick glance, I would suggest adding more narrative to your stoyr. It is very dialogue heavy and I didn't see a single paragraph in it (and I'm looking at it half-screen! lol). Add more details, like what are ponies doing while they're talking, hwo are they standing. Are they twitchign? Looking around? rollign their eyes? etc etc. Describe them and the world around them :)
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Re: Please read and review?

Postby Party Pony » Mon Aug 18, 2014 5:03 pm

Thank you, but I was actually looking for a review of the story's content. Is the idea and plot good?
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