Story 3 out of 15

If your story is complete but want a final readthrough to check for errors, post here!

Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:23 pm

Story number three and this time I'm not in such a rush xD I'll be tweaking it until Friday or Saturday, but obviously the sooner I can get some other eyes on it the better =)

Just leave comments in the Google Doc or here =) I NEED help in some parts of it ( left a comment on a paragraph I am not happy with AT ALL >( ) any and all help is appreciated =)

Love you all <3
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:39 pm

Is it just those two sentences? If so I can probably help you out if you want. :)
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:41 pm

Lol the whole point of this thread is I want help xD
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:42 pm

Haha okay, give me a minute and I'll write something up and see if you like it. ;)
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Tue Jan 28, 2014 10:53 pm

She trotted thought the marketplace, humming quietly to herself. She looked from stand to stand, searching for the items on her list. She had stopped to look at some carrots when she heard some pony call her name. She turned and saw a very familiar rainbow maned pegasus walking toward her. "Oh. Hello Rainbow Dash." she said smiling softly. "Hey Fluttershy, what's up?" Rainbow asked brightly. "Oh, um, well....I was just getting some tasty treats for my animal friends. They've been extra good lately, so I wanted to get them something nice. What about you?" Rainbow smiled and said "Actually, I wanted to ask you what time the party is starting."
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:30 pm

I love it! *copy/paste*
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:33 pm

Lol good. I'm glad. Maybe I will ask you to proofread some of my writing. :P but i kinda wanna get the first five chapters done. I'm stuck at a ponit in chapter three right now. But I'm kind of impatient and I want to just post what I have so far. Not sure what to do
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:37 pm

Post a chapter a week? =D
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:41 pm

I was thinking about that, but i was wondering if I should have a few chapters done first? And go from there? What do you think?
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:43 pm

A chapter a week~

Get reviews =) Get comments =) Get positive feedback as you write <3
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:45 pm

Okay then. :) should I have someone look over it before I post, or just post and hope I did a good job?
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:47 pm

Depends on your goal. This whole writing challenge for me is to get myself back into writing and develop myself as a writer, hence why I have about 8 proofreaders go through it before I post.

If you just wannag et your story out there, then post! =D
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:49 pm

Well its my first fic I'm actually posting, so I would like to make sure its not crap before I put it up.
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:51 pm

sometimes the only way to learn is to put up crap ;p
[center]Trolls and Haters
Swift and Brutal punishment
~~~
Element's of Love: Rewrite
User avatar
flutterdash1
 
Posts: 1203
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:40 pm
Location: HUG ME!

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:53 pm

Lol okay I guess your right. I guess i'm just nervous. I've been workong on this for a year. :) ill post what I have and see what happens. :D
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby ninetythreedegrees » Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:29 pm

Its up. :)
User avatar
ninetythreedegrees
 
Posts: 444
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:16 pm

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby The Masked Ghost » Tue Jun 17, 2014 3:45 pm

flutterdash1 wrote:sometimes the only way to learn is to put up crap ;p


So true, I put up crap with my first story...and when I put it up I didn't it was, but now when i look back at it....it was ssssssssooooooooooo much crap in it. Thankfully I learned and revised it....then revised it again. Well, the beginning that is, and here's what i mean by such a thing too:

Prologue:
Cold, remote, silent, those are the words that could describe this place of such amazement. This place was mysterious to everyone who felt its weird presence of mysterious silence.
However this tale I am about to bestow on you is not a fairy tale, but of a tale like no other. Once upon a time, there existed a portal that could lead to the outside of the universe.
There lied an area, a room some might say that led to other universes, but all it led to was death and destruction if not used properly. Some would use these universes for good, while others would use it for their own selfish needs.
However, in way, this is like temptation, a deadly sin found in the bible. A sin of tempting of women and money, but this was a temptation of desires and dreams.
All it was but darkness, but at the end of the tunnel there was light. A light that had everything connected in its wake, and even showed the good of everything. Many would think of this place as a dream come true, a chance to do what they always wanted to do in their life.
However, in truth it is a curse upon many, a curse of death and regret. A curse of rebirth and sorrow. A curse of testing your will against anything, a curse of everything. It is not a gift, but only of a curse.
What lies within this room that is known as outside of the universe, lies nothing but darkness. It has led to many things as of a Dearing mother losing her child, a company being destroyed, hidden secrets, memories that only lead to hurt others, greed, and even insanity.
However, insanity is the only thing that can keep you alive in this world, for it is a dangerous world indeed. However, this tale has much more than that, but of a tale of a quest to search for the answer of life.
A tale of an individual that only wants to have a good time, but fate will decide if that ever happens. Come in and have a seat, as you read a tale of his life story.
Grab a drink, or a snack or two of some kind as you read into his insanity. But do not be blind as you read, for there is much more within these words of his life story, as many others as well.
There are many tales to be told of this place, but let this be the first of many.
*Here’s the new beginning*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iturHzj ... 83053A3EB4
I have lost so much. I have lost my faith, my friends, and even my family. I have lost so much in my life, it would make a man kill himself than living this nightmare.
I had no intentions for things to turn out this way, but this portal just makes me do things I rather not do. I don’t even have my own will for god’s sake. This portal keeps drawing me back in, like I’m missing a piece to a puzzle that doesn’t exist. I knew I should have listen to them…all of them…all of my friends when they were still there.
As I sit here, in a sleazy hotel, god knows where in Equestria. It could be a town far away for all I know. All I know is that I woke up with a headache. I don’t even recall what happened last night.
Now I’m just by my window with the blinds closed, but with Celestia’s orange sun breaking through the cracks, while I’m drinking the pain away as I write this down.
I honestly have no idea what to do right now. In fact I rather just die, but I still have a few friends out there, still alive, and so I need to keep going, for them.
However, all I can say is this is so much better than being a human. Than being on Earth with all the rest of the poor souls.
I remember when I was merely but a small child, I always wanted to be special. To be someone that not a single soul was on that damn planet.
I was told everyone was special, but special is such a vague term, that it could mean anything. It could mean you’re a genius, or a deformed monster that not even your parents want to look at you every day.
They also call it a gift as I am told, but a gift is nowhere near close to what I would describe humans. I know I was once one of them, but I know who I am.
Humanity is nothing but a waste of precious life. Everyone says that they chose their own paths, but really, they all walk the same path, as I have walked my own path. I have found a few exceptions of course, but sadly, their kind is gone, forever to be forgotten by time itself.
I have heard many say to live life and have fun with it. I have heard where you only live once. What a bunch of fucking bullshit that comes out of their mouths. Those people do not know a single thing about life. They don’t how to live it at all.
They think they’re just living their life while they’re young, being rebels and let loose. Well let me tell you something, life isn’t about that. Life is more of a curse. Being human is a curse within itself.
Life doesn’t have to be that bad, as how I could have lived but sadly it never worked out that way for me. It just seems that the curse has still an effect on me right now, but surly it will all go away.
However humanity is nothing but of a curse, a sad, pathetic, unworthy curse. A curse filled with sins and regret.
I have also noticed how most of humanity eventually finds love…well I ask you this, WHAT IS LOVE!? All it is just nothing but to break your heart and get in your way.
I never saw love that way. Love from a child to a parent, I can understand and feel for, but for intimate love, it’s nothing but a waste. It is nothing but pain.
Of course, many of you are possibly thinking that I am a fool, but in truth, you are all the fools. Fools are playing a game they cannot win, life itself.
Humanity is just full of lectures, those who only see as to be strict and live by the rules, while others live loosely. Some give up on life, while others believe to live it to the fullest.
They are all fools, from the mentally retards to the most smart of all minds. From the mentally insane to sanity. All are fools who cannot win.
For me on the other hand, I have a chance to win, but unless all is fixed, the odds are not in my favor.
So you may ask yourself, what has happened to my life? How did I get to this point in my life, where I’m drinking the pain away with liquor and writing down my memories?
Well, it’s a very long story, it may seem none as an illusion at first, but in the end, everything burns down, and the sad part is, many would watch everything burn down.
----------------------------
And it still needs a lot of work.


And you know what? Here's what I orginally had that was full of crap years ago. So much that I wish I haden't wrote it in the first place, but then again I did have to start somewhere, even if it is absolute shit.
----------------------------------------------------
Prologue
Well, it’s another day waking up in the cave that I live in that’s also in Equestria. However, that was years ago. Yes, I remember those days. When I had nothing, although I couldn’t get my life on track just yet, for I was facing some problems, and everything that I went through.
Wait a second, why am I telling you guys this. I should probably introduce myself first.
As for a name, well, let us just say I have two names. My original, well, It’s been so long since I even used my original name. I think it has been over 50,000 years since I last used it. That’s right folks, 50,000 years. I’ll explain that part later. Well, as for my original, I think it started with a B, but I’m not so sure. As for my other name, it’s Knight.
As for my origins, well, this explains the 50,000 years part. Let’s just say a lot of shit happened to me. First off, I was a human once. I lived on earth, with a good family. Just one day when we took a trip for my summer vacation to a cabin in Tennessee, I discovered something. The thing is one night I saw something that made me go outside to investigate.
Now keep in mind, this was around 1:00 or 2:00 at night, so my parents didn’t even know this. Well, I went into the woods to investigate, and the thing I saw went into the woods. Now, at this part was very stupid of me to do, but it did lead me to something big.
Now, this thing went to a cave that wasn’t even part of the map or anywhere’s, as if it was undiscovered. Well, again, stupidly, I went into the cave and I went in deep. I was about 300 feet or so from the mouth of the cave. The thing is that I found inside the cave was a portal.
Now, I thought to myself just go back to the cabin, but I then thought, just live a little. If I die, well I had a good run, besides, what are the chances I will ever come across this again? Well I went through the portal, and the thing is, it was slow moving through the portal, as if time was slowed down. I was moving in slow mo.
On the other side of the portal, well, it was amazing, although, I still can’t explain why it’s like this, but I was outside of the universe. Not kidding. Where I was at was like a room. It was all white, but there appears to be tiles on the ground, as if it came from a portal game or something.
On the ceiling, well, there was no ceiling at all but of a bright light. I never discovered if there was a ceiling at all, cause the ceiling kept extending cause the things on the walls kept adding on by the trillions by the second. On the walls, were portals. There were hundreds of them.
In addition, what did it lead to? Well, it leads to other universes of course! However, one wall was not covered in portals. This one wall had a tinted glass window, as if someone was watching me on the other side. There was also a door that was locked from the other side. Neither the door, nor the window could be broken.
You could send hundreds of nukes, and it will still be standing there, as if nothing happened. Now, let me explain why the portal I went through was very slow. The thing, I was transiting from a place there was time, to a place there was no time at all. Litterly, I could live here forever, because I stopped aging. There were also no laws of physics or laws of anything as well, so I could do anything I wanted to do.
However, later I found out I can’t just do whatever I want from out of the blue. I had to concentrate of course to a trick to it. After I found that out, I soon realized, that even though there is no laws, from keeping me from wanting to do, there are still rules you have to follow.
Well, as soon as I got trough the portal, I decided if I can find my own creations. You see, I wanted to be a movie director when I grew up, back on earth, and I had a few ideas too.
In fact, I was planning on going to a college to could help me archive this dream, after I got out of high school, which I was about 3 years away from. Yes, I was a freshman when this happened to me.
Well, I went to see if I could find my creations, and I found one. This creation was like a hero. Not a super hero, who had powers, but just a hero, like batman, or iron man, who had no powers.
Well, I called him the Knight, but now I call him TK, since I was going to call his movie the knight. To sum him as a character, he was a f**king badass, litterly. He was strong, had swords, and guns and killed people. Well, the people that deserved it anyway.
He also invented most of his technology, went into the future, and fought satin, after he died in the end. However, he also was very dark and mysterious, as I made him out to be. You don’t know his real name, nor even do I, nor to you ever see his face. He has one weakness too, but only I know that weakness, and I will never tell a living soul. He also shows from very little to no emotions at all, as if he’s lifeless.
He does have some other people who help him out along the way of course, although, I can only name one, which is lawman, who kind of like client Eastwood, but more on an expert on weapons. Put him and the knight together, and you have an unstoppable team. In addition, knight also knew many moves to kill his enemies with just his bare hands.
Well, anyway, I thought I tell you that, cause he does have a big roll of the story I’m about to tell of my life, so far.
Well, I visited him, and at first when he saw me, he was going to kill me. He only did that, because he doesn’t care about anyone else, except for what he made the knight suit out to be.
Fortunately, I told him I am his creator, and showed him the portal from where I came from, and luckily he wasn’t surprised at this or shocked. As soon as I told him, he believed me, and was very loyal to me, as I was his creator, and he’s basically my protector.
Now the only reason he believed me was because, he has a helmet along with the knight suit, and there’s a little bullshit detector in there, that tells if a person is lying or not.
He also gave me a device, to go back outside of the universe, cause I did tell him, I’m pretty sure I will never find the cave again, because if it didn’t show up on the map, nor was even discovered, I think, then what the f**k are my chances of me finding the place again!?
Well, the device he gave me worked. It was basically a teleportation device he invented himself. Well, of course I didn’t tell my parents about this, nor my only friend I had, cause one, they would never believe me.
Two, even if they did, I wouldn’t be able to go back to it, cause they wouldn’t allow me to go back, and tell the government about, and of course that would lead to a classified government shit, and they tell people lies, on how it’s a hoax and we’re f**king idiots that we believed this actually existed.
Well, long story short, I went outside of the universe or off the grid, as I like to call it, when I had some time. I soon learned how to control stuff off the grid. It was hard and took many years of training. By now, I’m basically a master now at it, but there’s plenty still left to learn from it. Knight even trained me to use guns and practice fighting skills.
Now, let me explain the 50,000 years old part. You understand that being off the grid means, I can no longer age, although, I somehow changed my appearance from 15 I think to 21. Do not ask me why. Well, one day or not really, I somehow went through the portal multiple times fast or contently.
Well, I went rough it 137 times within an hour or so, that my body couldn’t keep up with me aging, and not aging, that it basically gave out. It just gave up on aging. I was basically an immortal.
I was even immune to every disease there ever was apparently too. However, that doesn’t mean you can still die of course. The only other way to die was to be killed by a weapon. It was the only way.
Now the 50, 000 year part, well even being off the grid, where there is no time at all, doesn’t mean there is still time.
It just means, this time does not affect me in any way at all. The other thing is that when I learned to control the powers of being off the grid, I also learned a way to stop time in a certain universe.
I just put something over it, and I can slow time, speed up time, or stop it all together, and even rewind or fast forward time in that universe as well. Well, just was a Hugh advantage for me, so I can train more of the powers and fighting skills. I also discovered a way to bring the off the grid powers into a non-off the grid area. It’s very hard to explain, and it does get difficult to explain, because it goes into mathematics and science and I really don’t want to bore you with it.
Well, long story short, I can have these off the grid powers for about one hour or even more, then it’ll wear off. The longest I’ve ever seen it was for about a month or two, I think.
In addition, one other thing to note that the only way I or anyone else that can use this is trough a syringe, cause it’s the only stable way to do it. Basically what this does, is give you off the grid powers on the grid, for a short amount of time.
Well, what happened to me was I was fighting an old creation of mine, right. This old creation was basically part of my youth when I was growing up. I had this shitty idea for a character I had and wanted to do, but as time went on, I thought it was a shitty idea and moved on with other stuff.
However, I did not look back on it with shame; cause it kind of meant a lot to me a little. Well, this character, well let’s call him the forgotten, was trying to kill me, his creator, for forgetting him for over 10 years. He was basically, in a dark cold world, in my mind for over 10 years.
He wasn’t the only though, but the rest died off of course, and he’s the only one left that has survived. I always wanted to kill him, for he wants to kill me, but he is the last of my old creations, and I can’t let that go, nor can I let go of my past, but that’s a different story.
Well, as I was saying the forgotten was fighting me and my team, which were other good creations of mine, off the forgotten and his gang off, that he got from other worlds.
One more thing to note about the universes. You see, you can’t just walk into a random universe, and go in. That’s not the case.
You have to have a special substance called 117, as I don’t have a specific name for it yet. 117 basically opens up the other universes, and somehow makes it stable to go through it, without being injured.
Although, that doesn’t explain how my universe got opened, and the knight universe was stable, unless this was all meant to be, which possibly was that weird thing I saw in the forest.
Well, anyway, the forgotten and I were fighting each other off, until he transported me back to my world, into my high school, that was having a dance.
The dances had a stupid name that was somewhat of a pun and let’s just say, I don’t take kindly to puns, most of the them anyway. It was called snowcomeing or something.
Well, the forgotten, who could also use off the grid powers as well, transported me into my school, he then transported there, and tried to kill me there, but of course I had that syringe on me, so I could fight easily, without worrying about being low on ammo, and just in case there’s damage, I can easily fix it.
Well, the forgotten then fled, and the whole school saw me, so I had to push up my plans on leaving forward, for I had no other choice, because they will get to the police and my parents about this.
So that following night, I then got something’s from my room that I wanted to keep, and also erased my parent and relatives memories of me ever being there, so they wouldn’t feel pain when they discovered I was gone, because I was basically their only child, and they loved me as well.
I also erased my old friend’s memories as well. I said I was pushing up my plans, because what I was getting into was dangerous. It was going to destroy this world if I continued to live here.
Not only that, but I needed to work off the grid, for I was the only one who knew some of its secrets, and I am able to do that, I would have to abandoned this life, and continue another one.
When I left, I closed all the portals leading to that universe. I also have plenty of stories to tell of what happened to me while I was not in the official my little pony universe, and yes, back on earth, I was a Brony. However, I don’t want to talk or even think about my past right now, because none brings good times to me, cause a lot of shit happened, as I said before.
Besides, you are only here because of my little pony, so let’s get into it. I only talked about those things, because the stuff I did and so far, you would need to know of course.
Before we move into the action, let me introduce myself even more. As you know, I’m knight. I’m basically a unicorn (which I wish I wasn’t and was a f**king Pegasus), that has a blue coat, with a black mane, with a black cowboy hat on. I also have no cutie mark, and just to make it clear, I’m a stallion, of course.
When I got to the Everfree forest, and I will not talk what happened before the everfree forest, I found a cave I could live, or at least I got things sorted out, cause I always said, after I was done with off the grid, I was going to retire to the official my little pony universe, and live out my days as a pony and relax.
However, those plans didn’t go so well as I hoped for of course. Well, I found a cave, and on the first night, I found a pack of timber wolves living in it. I did kill all of the pack, and when I mean by killed, I mean is set them on fire.
However, there was a timber wolf in the back of the cave, that didn’t fight back, nor it was angry at me for what I did to the others. I think the others abused him, and well, I took him in as if he was one of my own. He also understood what I said, I even told him where I was from, which was off the grid, and he was not shocked.
We then became friends and we both protected each other when we were threaten by other creatures, but after awhile, the creatures stopped bothering us, as if were just normal there.
I even sometime’s can tell some of the creatures what I want them to do. It’s like I’m the king or prince in this case of the every free forest. It was f**king awesome. Well, I was about living in the cave for about a year or so, until one night. Now we are just getting to the good part of my life, I think.
-----------------
I'm sure you'll arree with me that was abosolute shit that I wouldn't even wipe my own ass on. But hey, that was the first crap I wrote, but not first crap I ever wrote. The first Crap was this, and I do mean I wrote this before this.
-----------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1: The Beginning
The night was silent. Not a creature could be heard. Not even owl or other nocturnal animals were there. Not even a sound from a bat. All there was were stars and the moon dancing in the sky.
However, suddenly, a scream blasted through the night sky. A pony it was, running for her life, as something horrible might have happened.
She was running through the woods, but not on a path. No, it taws not. It was like if she was lost. She was being chased by a dark and mysterious figure, as it belonged to the night. The unknown pony ran and ran, and once stumbled on some ditches that were not harm.
She soon ran fast enough to get away from the mysterious figure. She then stopped to catch her breath, but she knew she must not stop, for if she stopped, she would be killed, and no one would know of her strange disappearance. Therefore, she kept on running. Eventually, the mysterious figure caught up, but the dark figure knew what to do.
The figure stopped in its tracks. The unknown pony eventually, lost sight of the figurer and stopped behind the biggest tree she could find.
As she was chanting her breath, she heard noises, and dark figures flying across the sky.
She then screamed, “Leave me alone! I promise I will not tell anybody about your secret.”
“You lie,”The dark figure said. “You lie with sin. You will tell some pony, because you are a pony. All my fucking victims do. And I can’t let that happen again,” the figure said once again.
“Can you at least make it quick?” the unknown pony pleaded.
All of a sudden, the dark figure appeared from the shadows, as it revealed Luna or Nightmare moon to be exact, Said with a strong voice, “my dear. I have caused enough harm to my victims, so I always make it quick. However, you ran away, and did not let me make it quick. So for that, you will be praying on your knees you were not even were born in this world. But, since it’s near the holiday, I shall give you a little present and lay upon you mercy.”
Luna quickly killed her, with a gunshot that blasted through the air.
Soon the sun vanquished the moon, and a bright sunny day appeared. Soon every pony from Ponyville woke up from the fearful night. Everybody went to his or her daily business.
Buildings were being made. Bakeries selling through fresh made goods. In addition, twilight walking to do some errands. As she passes by a building, a man was hanging up a missing sign poster upon a wall.
Twilight went up to ask them pony, “another missing?”
The pony replied with, “yup. However, do not worry. They will be eventually be found sometime soon.”
As twilight was, about to continue her walk, pinkie pie came running to twilight with glee, as if she had some important news.
“Twilight! Did you forget?” Pinkie pie asked eagerly.
Twilight asked, “Forget about what?”
“Don’t you remember that we all had plans to go on a hike today?” pinkie said with concern.
Twilight had forgotten all about their hike they have been planning for such a long time. It took her awhile to remember that that had plans today. She now remembered it and her face suddenly was shocked.
“That was today?” Twilight asked. “I’m sorry pinkie, I’ve just been caught up in so much work lately, I’ve forgotten about our plans. Tell the girls I will be right there. I just have to go drop something off first.”
Twilight replied. Pinkie pie nodded her head and went back to the hiking trial. Twilight was then walking at a steady speedy pace to get to her destination, so she could go hike with her friends.
She had to mail off a letter to Celestia, for spike was unavailable at the time. She didn’t know how it was possible how to send a letter to Celestia, cause she was always busy, and she never had any mail, but Celestia did give her special permission, just in case if spike wasn’t there for a short time.
When Twilight reached the post office and owner was closing it up. Twilight put on a confused look on her face as to why the post office was being closed.
“Excuse me?” Twilight asked with a soft voice. “What are you doing?”
The owner stated that, “I’m leaving. I am leaving this town, before something happens to me. Besides, I don’t want to be here when equestrian falls.”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight asked.
“Listen, I’ve seen and heard things that you do not want to get into. Trust me. You better off not knowing what is coming upon this land. A land of freedom. But, it won’t be a land of freedom any longer.”
The owner said who was scared, for what was coming. Twilight then replied to, “Nothing’s going to bad happen to Equestria. There was no prophecy. If something bad was coming, Celestia, would’ve told me and my friends, so we could use our elements of harmony.”
“It’s not a prophecy, which the princess can not tell when it’s coming, nor can any pony can. It is not a prophecy, but a plan, that was made long ago, during when nightmare moon was on the moon for a thousand years. Besides, element’s of harmony will not do you any good. Only special weapons could help. Not only that, but you would have to plan it out to. Just trust me on this. Get out of the country while you still can,” said the owner, as he was putting gasoline on the building.
“What are you doing?” asked Twilight.
The owner then replied with bit laughter in his answer, “Why, I’m setting the building on fire. I will no longer need the place, nor will anyone else will. Besides, I fucking hated the place. All I did was go into the building and work and go home. That’s all I fucking did.”
The owner then grabbed his luggage, which was being pulled by a string, and wan pulled it. His last and finale words to the mare were, “I pray you get out alive, for she will be coming for you first.”
The owner then sprinted off, while Twilight was trying her best to put together what just had happened here. She then decided to mail off the letter to the princess tomorrow, for the next post office was not near for a hundred miles.
She then went to go see her friends at the hiking trail. She trotted through the town and eventually found herself at the hiking trail. The trail did not have too many ponies on it that day, for it was sort of a slow day.
Especially what Twilight had seen from the mail carrier. She then saw her friends who were eagerly waiting for her coming.
She then walked up them and said, “Alright. I’m ready to go,” in a happy tone.
Then Rainbow Dash asked, “What took you so long?”
Twilight then remembered once more of the mail carrier setting fire to the post office. It was quite an event for her, and did not want to say a single word to her friends.
She then said, “Oh, I just had to drop a letter off at the post office to give to Celestia, since spike isn’t around to send a letter.”
She had a nervous look on her face, and hoped her friends did not know that she was lying to them.
She would hate to lose their trust for her, because they had been friends for years and did not want their friendship to end. She enjoyed her time with them, of all the adventures they had together.
She was happy with her life like this and wanted the friendship to never break away and die. Fortunately enough for her, she had luck on her side. Her friends just shrugged it off and started walking the trail.
Twilight was relieved about this, because she hoped her friendship would never break apart.
An hour or two passed since they had started the trail. The mane six all kept up at a decent pace and was doing very well with the long hike so far.
Rainbow was also doing very well, since she always exercised and never was weak when it came to physical activity.
The Elements the saw a bench and decided to take a break and drink some apple cider that Applejack had brought along with her.
Rarity and Fluttershy decided to sit down on the bench, for their hooves while tired out. Rainbow, Pinkie, and Applejack had no problems of standing up, for they were used to it whenever they worked.
Applejack always had to buck the trees whenever she would go help her Big brother, Big Mac, on the apple farm.
Rainbow was a tough pony and could withstand her feet getting tired.
As for Pinkie, she always stood up when she helped Mr. and Mrs. Cake back cupcakes. It was quite easy for her to stand up for long periods without hurting, for she had been doing this for many years and had gotten used to it.
As for Twilight, she decided to go out off the trail and look around. She had never been on this hiking trail before, and was curious of what types of plants were laying around the hiking trail.
She had even had brought a book with her, to help her identify some of the plant types for her. She saw a tree and trotted off from the group to check it out. She went up to the tree, examined it very closely, and tried to find what type of tree it was in her book.
It took her a while to look at the right page and eventually found that it was just a regular oak tree. When Twilight had seen it in the book, Twilight felt like an idiot for not recognizing it quicker.
Almost every pony in the world knew what an oak tree was. it was one of the most common tree there was in Equestria and other countries.
The other most common was the pine tree, but even she could identify that one real easily.
However, Twilight then saw why she could not recognize it earlier, because there was some green moss growing on it.
Twilight found that to be strange, because she had learned in school, that oak trees never had moss grow on it unless a certain time of the year, which was the summer time. It was around spring when Twilight was looking at the tree.
The only other way there could be green moss if a powerful Alicorn was around here.
Twilight knew that the only Alicorn’s that she knew were Celestia, Luna, and Cadence. She knew that none of them had been on the hiking trail.
If they had been, then she would have known about it, because to the town of Ponyville, a visit from the princesses was like a treat to them. However, of course she knew it was a treat, because it was their leader.
Their leader helps them out with business, protect them from the Changeling queen, and have given them plenty of freedoms. They just wanted to honor them for their hard work and dedication for the country.
When Twilight had thought of these thoughts, Twilight also shrugged this off, to just a strange event that is properly new the oak trees.
She knew that new things were always discovered in science. Twilight was about to go back to her friends and continue the trail, but she had heard a noise coming from the direction she was looking at the tree from.
She looked around and had heard a faint wispier, saying, “Over here.”
Twilight continued to look around and saw no other pony near her, but her curiosity got the best of her. She went towards the sound of the wispier and as she continued, the wispier got even louder.
She eventually started to smell that was foul to her. It was a disgusting smell, which she just wanted to vomit all over the place where she stood. Her face turned green and was about to faint from the foul smell.
Then, she heard a voice calling out to her, saying, “Over here Twilight!”
she then tried with all of her strength to go towards the noise that she had heard. She slowly walked towards the voice. She could not run towards it, nor trot to it, for she was too weak from the smell.
She almost even lost where she had heard the voice, but the voice came back, saying, “Twilight! Over here!”
she then continued towards the voice and the voice was never heard again. She then started to hear a buzzing sound. She then went towards that particular sound and saw a swarm of flies hovering over something.
Twilight wanted to know what it was and used her hoof to shoo away the flies. When she did, she had regretted it.
What she had seen was a dead slowly decomposing body right in front of her.
Her head was open and part of the brain was shown. The dead pony’s eyes were nothing but white, and Twilight could not even see her pupils. The pony stomach was cut open and her intestines were all over.
Twilight could not even find the lungs. It even looked like some of her blood was missing. The pony’s tongue was also cut, but looked like if some pony yanked it out. Then, one of the eyes popped out and no blood ran from the open eye socket.
Only flies that flew in the hole filled the emptiness of the socket. Twilight just wanted to vomit right there on the spot, and make the dead body even more sick to look at.
However, Twilight wanted to respect the dead and she still had dignity in her, so her she tried her best to hold it, but she couldn’t and she vomited all over the body.
The flies went away for a while, but came back to enjoy the vomit that Twilight had produced within her body. Then, Twilight jetted out a big, hugh scream. Her friends came rushing towards her side within five minutes.
When they got to Twilight, they all had shocked expressions on their faces, and couldn’t do nothing but cry and be afraid of what was out there that did this to the poor pony.
Then Twilight had thought, ‘who could have had done this? Especially late at night?’
--------------------------------------------------------------
I'm not kidding, this was the first thing I ever wrote and it is tons better than the orginal prolouge I wrote before. However with the first story, I changed it a lot, made it more dperessing, added more detail and shit like that...why did I even write this to you?
Moon Crabs are the best...
User avatar
The Masked Ghost
 
Posts: 1489
Joined: Wed Sep 25, 2013 6:25 pm
Location: The Moon

Re: Story 3 out of 15

Postby Night_Shade » Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:26 pm

erm maybe i got it all wrong but fluttershy getting with pinkie pie?

thats what i got after 2 paragraphs
Night_Shade
 
Posts: 104
Joined: Thu Aug 07, 2014 3:05 pm


Return to Request Proofing/Copyediting

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest