first attemp need help

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first attemp need help

Postby RapPMVs » Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:11 am

Well long story short my mind finally got the better of me. I had this story in my head floating around for a while and I finally decided to get it out of my head.
It is a story based around the orgin of my OCs. When I started writing the story I expected the story to reach a max of maybe 20 something pages. In my mind it seemed like It wouldn't be any more than that. One week later I finished with 14ish chapters and 82 pags. I didn't see that coming.

Anyways my english skills are shoddy at best. My real problem is talking withing the story so I do my best to leave talking out as much as possible. When I do come to a scene that requires talking I do my best to keep it short, but I have found out some scenes need a lot.

Anyways here is the first 4 pages of my story Please help.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iUF ... =drive_web
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Re: first attemp need help

Postby flutterdash1 » Wed Aug 14, 2013 5:53 am

You gotta alter the permissions there broski =) Give people with the link permission to view your story.
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Re: first attemp need help

Postby RapPMVs » Tue Oct 15, 2013 9:39 pm

sorry about that. I thought I made it for everyone with the link. I even tested it my self from another computer. Oh well. Here is try 2 hopefully this one works

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Q76 ... =drive_web
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Re: first attemp need help

Postby Night_Shade » Thu Aug 14, 2014 12:31 pm

RapPMVs wrote:Well long story short my mind finally got the better of me. I had this story in my head floating around for a while and I finally decided to get it out of my head.
It is a story based around the orgin of my OCs. When I started writing the story I expected the story to reach a max of maybe 20 something pages. In my mind it seemed like It wouldn't be any more than that. One week later I finished with 14ish chapters and 82 pags. I didn't see that coming.

Anyways my english skills are shoddy at best. My real problem is talking withing the story so I do my best to leave talking out as much as possible. When I do come to a scene that requires talking I do my best to keep it short, but I have found out some scenes need a lot.

Anyways here is the first 4 pages of my story Please help.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iUF ... =drive_web


don't keep talking short otherwise you lose detail and detail is needed for the good storys it what seporates the crappy story from the gem stories

for example what i do is make a skeleton of what i want to happen in a chapter

e.g.

Rhythm gets up walks downstairs and out the front door, atfer this she walks around the corner and greets her neighbour with several polie words after such exchange she finally gets to the shop before getting her shopping, then she returns home and puts the items away.

then i add detail, and finally do spelling and grammar checks

not going to write the full chapter obviously but here i start it

Rhythm got up slowly blinking sleep from her eyes as she rolled over with a groan. She rolled abit to far and with a soft plop she fell onto the floor still surrounded by her duvet. She pushed her white sheets off her revealing her messy blue mane which along with her lighter blue coat was clumped together in small knotty tuffs. Rhythm slowly got up and walked over to her oak dresser and opened it before getting out a plain silk dress which she put on. Her tummy rumbled telling her she should eat something before she left for the shops to resupply her fridge.

^^ took me about 5 mins to do and thats still a basic skeleton for me lol

However i advise about lingering, having 5 pages on detail about a room is a bad idea since readers gonna get bored, i've read some stuff which took hours and all their character did was get up and brush their teeth which should be summed up at a page at most not 20 or whatever it was. Also some scenes are less detailed then others showing your lack of skill, good writers keep the tempo just like musicians do you don't suddenly shorten a song or story just because you got a good bit lined up and want to get to writing it sooner, rushed stories make me so mad since they start good then rush to whatever you want and you don't get enough 'realistic' background stuff making it look rather crappy and badly planned.

anyway your not a block righter otherwise you would get a facehoof, i hate one massive slap of text then a tiny paragraph at the end which really annoys me, however that text is rather hard to read as it italic, normally use italic for sounds or memories ect. Anyway very short and sweet paragraphs however if you're going to skip time you need to just take a step back and explain whats happened suddenly making some mare have twin fillys is a bit like wut?

also normally ponies cannot have twins since they can only birth one healthy foal at a time, having two would lead one to be deformed
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