[In Progress] Storm Princess

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[In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Mon Jun 06, 2011 12:21 am

Storm Princess by MoronSonOfBoron
In Progress, currently ~42,000 words
Adventure Sci-Fi, PG-13
The tale of Storm Princess, heir to a dystopian Cloudsdale where ponies rule the sky and rival corporations fight for control of the flying city.

Characters: Rainbow Dash, Everypony, Original Characters

Storm Princess Master Links -- http://goo.gl/DbF8m
Preface: Cloudsdale, Prologue: Freefall, Chapter 1: Welcome Home - http://goo.gl/BFddA
Chapter 2: Dark Wing - http://goo.gl/tqbO0
Chapter 3: Foundation -- http://goo.gl/dFD3y

http://www.ponychan.net/chan/fic/res/19417.htmlhttp://fim.413chan.net/fic/res/4140.html

TLDR: Epic fic in progress, give feedback. I know it looks intimidating for its length, but all the more it needs some feedback before I make it official and submit it to the archive or post it on Equestria Daily.

Storm Princess takes place in a dystopian world where the flying metropolis of Cloudsdale represents the pinnacle of pony power. The city is a feudal state where rival corporations like the noble Storm Foundation and the ubiquitous Daedalus Industries are the only form of government, and subterfuge and espionage abound. The most secure method of transmitting information (legally obtained and otherwise) is hiring one of the runners: unregistered ponies living in the squalid lower sectors of the city who specialize in living outside of the system. For the right price, mercenaries like the Wonderbolts are all too willing to intercept a courier or two, even bag a few bodies. In the midst of this urban turf war, the surface-worlders are starting to gain a hold on the city...

Rainbow Dash is the hero of this saga, reimagined as the titular Storm Princess, the rambunctious young heir to the Storm Foundation. She struggles with the growing demands of her friends and family as she learns the meaning of responsibility and loyalty.
Last edited by MoronSonOfBoron on Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:17 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Thu Jun 09, 2011 1:07 am

A friend of mine advised me that it might help to break this down into more readable chunks, but how should I go about doing that? I far prefer having a synch'd online copy, which requires using a DOC file, but DOC bookmarks don't work in Google's viewer. A GDoc file on the other hand has an easy peasy table of contents function, but I can't easily synch it with my offline work (or haven't figured out how).

Current workaround: keep the online/offline DOC synch, and create GDoc copies of the synch'd DOC file, which can then use their own table of contents. Downside is that for each edition I'd have to create a new GDoc file and link.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GGd ... y=CNni2ZkH
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby HeatWave » Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:02 pm

What I do is I have a master document saved to my hard-drive, then I find a pre-reader. I currently have a rapport with another author, and once we have a sizable piece of writing down, we make a copy on google docs and allow it to be edited by anyone who has the link (we've both been too lazy to figure out how to allow editing for only one person, but I believe you are able to do that too, as long as they have a google account).

Then, we let the other guy read over the writing, with the unspoken rule that he makes NO changes to the original writing itself. If he finds an error, or wants to make a suggestion, he points it out using the highlight tool and writes in his own comments/suggestions/corrections using a different color font. This allows the author to look over his original work, and make a choice on keeping, following, or even discarding the suggestions/corrections given, which ensures that the original document is not altered without the original author's permission/acknowledgement (we extend this to even basic punctuation errors). After corrections have been made, all colored text/highlights are removed and the copy is saved.

That's how we do it anyway, and thus far, it's been quite effective. Also, we often have a time of day set when we're both in the document, and then we can not only go over each other's work together, we can actively talk about it in the chat and even brainstorm with each other. I ask him about first impressions and ideas on where he thinks I'm going. It gives me a good gauge with how well I feel I'm leading the reader in the direction that I want them to go, since he has not seen any of my story-notes and does not know for certain, it's generally a pretty good guage.

Just a thought. It's worked for me.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby RBDash47 » Fri Jun 10, 2011 3:33 pm

HeatWave wrote:(we've both been too lazy to figure out how to allow editing for only one person, but I believe you are able to do that too, as long as they have a google account).

Eh-ahem.

Click the Private to only me link next to the document title...

Image

Then enter the other person's Google account, and select whether they can only view or can actually edit.

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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:12 pm

I do have a writing buddy that I finally convinced to give me a hand with this*; I will try your suggestion about using the comments feature on a private document.

*
Spoiler: show
She has some reservations about being unfamiliar with the fandom. Unlikely she'll convert, though; she thinks MLP:FiM is too "mainstream".
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby RBDash47 » Fri Jun 10, 2011 8:44 pm

Spoiler: show
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:14 am

http://is.gd/uX7iBg
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-X2 ... t?hl=en_US

The first two sections of Chapter 2 are up, along with slight edits to Chapter 1 (nothing facilitating a reread, though). Included with this post is the long and short URLs for the new GoogleDocs version with linked table of contents.

Chapter 2 so far isn't quite as fast-paced, but it sure is action-packed: an extensive fight scene plus a bevy of characters from a different side of Cloudsdale...

I've also gotten a little bit of fuel in my ponychan/fimchan threads for this story. :yay:
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sun Jul 03, 2011 10:35 pm

Just a little update, I've now split the MSWord DOC file into separate chapters for easier digestion.

Chapter 1 - http://is.gd/Nq7sTx
Chapter 2 - http://is.gd/ssqNFz

Also, I've been dabbling in my notes for this thing.
Spoiler: show
Celestia's and Luna's long-lost baby brother returns to bring the end of civilization.

IT MAKES A LOT MORE SENSE IN CONTEXT
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby Drakomis Reign » Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:41 am

This seems awkward fimilar in story to one of William Shatner's novels I've read in the past. I have the name off the tip of my tongue, but this is almost a mirror copy of it. By chance were you inspired by the novel "TekWar" by William Shatner? It branches off into several sequals I believe and there are a few other books Mr. Shatner have written, but yours reminds me so much of that 1986 Novel.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Mon Jul 04, 2011 12:02 pm

First I heard of 'em. What led you to draw the comparison?

People have also mentioned Shadowrun, which I've never read or played either.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby Drakomis Reign » Mon Jul 04, 2011 9:36 pm

MoronSonOfBoron wrote:First I heard of 'em. What led you to draw the comparison?

People have also mentioned Shadowrun, which I've never read or played either.


Because, oddly enough, your writing style is similar to that of how Shatner does his story. I don't know, but that is definitely a compliment.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Jul 16, 2011 11:47 pm

Just bumping to note that the OP has been edited to include up-to-date links for the regularly updated MSWord DOC files and the *chan discussion threads.

As an aside, I'd like to thank ChiroDraggy of Yaridovich's synchtube for helping inspire this story. Although I had been mulling this type of setting for a while, it was an idea from him that became the final piece to the puzzle that was this story's conception.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Aug 13, 2011 4:37 pm

Remember to check the MSWord copy of the latest chapter to see what little bit I've written out ._.; If you haven't been keeping track of my Scratchpad in the Sandbox subforum, I've been taken with some new story ideas, so I've been putting down little notes for them in my working files while I've been pushing out more content for Storm Princess.

The past week as I've worked on chapter 2, Spitfire's really stolen the show and focus of the story. It's been tough to characterize the other Wonderbolts she interacts with, but while I struggle with Spitfire's path I've also been planning out further parts of this saga. In the future:
  • The mane 6 come together!
  • Applejack sings the FF6 Opera!
  • Somepony dies! Actually, lots of ponies die.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Aug 27, 2011 7:24 pm

Storm Princess, Chapter 2: Dark Wing
MSWord: http://is.gd/ssqNFz
GDocs: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1vTk ... t?hl=en_US

Word count: ~11,900

It's done! Gilda's fate is revealed, Spitfire steals the spotlight, and we hear more rumblings of what is to come in Cloudsdale's future. I had my doubts about the flashback scene towards the end; it kept jumping to different places in the chapter but I think I've found a good spot for it.

Not to fear, we are returning to Storm's perspective for Chapter 3! More world-building and intrigue await. I actually wanted to make it a point to have action scenes in every chapter; we'll see if I can't keep the flow going.

I also made some very tiny edits to Chapter 1, but nothing warranting a new GDocs copy. Remember to check the MSWord copies for the latest versions!
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Wed Sep 28, 2011 5:01 am

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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:06 am

A bump and an apology to the forumgoers of PFA; I have not forgotten or forsaken this place! I've just had to reprioritize activities, between prereading, personal projects, studies... and writing this here fic! I finished chapter 3 a couple weeks ago and submitted the first three chapters to Ponychan's reviewers while I continue writing further into the story.

Storm Princess Chapter 3: Foundation -- http://goo.gl/dFD3y


I've also created a master link document in GDocs for easier navigation.

Storm Princess Master Links -- http://goo.gl/DbF8m

Be sure to check out my deviantART gallery for FIM art, as there are a number of sketches and drawings that are part of my exploration and development of the Storm Princess setting. Get a sneak peek at future events and characters!

Updating OP in 3... 2... 1...
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby Corporal Fluttershy » Sat Dec 03, 2011 3:02 pm

Is this story loosely based on Bioshock : Infinite?
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sat Dec 03, 2011 7:18 pm

Corporal Fluttershy wrote:Is this story loosely based on Bioshock : Infinite?

If I said yes, would you bother reading it?

Because the answer is no.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby Corporal Fluttershy » Sun Dec 04, 2011 3:58 am

MoronSonOfBoron wrote:
Corporal Fluttershy wrote:Is this story loosely based on Bioshock : Infinite?

If I said yes, would you bother reading it?

Because the answer is no.


If you said yes, I'd say yes. Nothing wrong with spin-offs or existing media-based inspirations.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby MoronSonOfBoron » Sun Dec 04, 2011 5:15 am

Sorry if that sounded a bit antagonistic. I just find it a bit silly for people to be too specific about their interests. If you like science fiction of any sort, I encourage you to give it a read; it draws from (and blatantly rips from) all kinds of material. In some respects, I'd call it a pastiche.
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Re: [In Progress] Storm Princess

Postby Corporal Fluttershy » Sun Dec 04, 2011 1:50 pm

No problem.
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